Living with my parents for a couple of weeks has lots of advantages. I have someone to eat with. I don’t have to make as many decisions about what I’m going to eat. I enjoy playing games, working on puzzles, and watching movies with my parents.

But during the day, when I’m sitting at a home that is not my own, while my parents and friends are at work, and I haven’t made any plans, I find myself struggling to find purpose in my life.

During the semester, when I’m at home in China, most of the time I can easily find my purpose. I love teaching, and I love pouring my life into the lives of those around me. But resting for more than a morning or afternoon is hard for me. Is there purpose in rest? Is there meaning and purpose in being alone for periods of time?

I would say, definitely, yes!

But when I’m tired and bored and alone, I find myself listening to lies instead of remembering the truth that my purpose isn’t found in how many things I’m doing for God. Sometimes He takes us to places where we can’t do anything.

What are some of those lies that I find myself listening to?

• Your writing isn’t important and nobody cares about it.

• As a single person in your 30s, you are missing out on so many good things.

• Resting is pointless, you should be doing more with your life.

• Your life is only meaningful when you’re interacting with your students.

Maybe you have other lies that get you. Maybe your lies are different from mine. But we all tend to listen to lies. I haven’t quite figured out why. Listening to these lies doesn’t fill me with joy or happiness or the ability to be better. Mainly I just feel unmotivated.

What can we do when we’re faced with these lies? The lies that nothing that we’re doing matters. That’s a good question, I’ll let you know when I figure it out. Just kidding, I haven’t quite figured it out yet, but I’ll share some things that I want to try to do now while I sit at my parents’ kitchen table, alternating between staring out the window and typing this blog post.

1. Perhaps the best way to fight lies is with truth. I know this. Do I do this? Not as often as I should.

What are some truths about my writing? While I haven’t sold a million copies of my book. In fact, I’ve sold less than 100 copies. I recently celebrated that I sold 50. But just because I haven’t sold 100 books, does that mean that my writing isn’t important? I don’t believe so. I don’t define success as selling 1 million books. I define success as glorifying God who gave me the ability to write. I try to write things that He would be pleased with, and I want to point people to Him through my writing. I also hope that I can touch the life of at least one other person.

If I say that success is glorifying God in my writing, then rather than listening to the lie that my writing isn’t important, I want to spend more time praying that God would glorify Himself in my writing. And I need to thank Him every time that someone tells me that something I wrote was meaningful for them.

What about being single? What are some truths about that?

As a single person, do I have all the same experiences as my friends who are married and those who have kids? Definitely not. But does that mean that their lives are more important than mine? Or that mine is more important than theirs is? Again, definitely not. (If the ultimate life is defined by marriage and a family, then what about Jesus—was He somehow less human since He didn’t get married?)

Marriage is a beautiful thing, but God doesn’t have that in His plan for all of His children. Or maybe He has some of His children wait a little longer before they get married. But just because I don’t have a boyfriend/husband/kids, I can still be doing exactly what God wants me to do.

Rather than listening to the lie that I am missing out on life because I am single, I want to focus on the many blessings that God has given me. I am thankful for the chance to travel, and I’m thankful for the chance to serve God with the unique life and experiences that He has blessed me with.

2. In addition to fighting lies with the truth, I want to take these lies to my Father and build my connection with Him by letting Him know how I feel and seeking His guidance for what I should do with these feelings.

Sharing emotions builds connection. Untangle Your Emotions (by Jennie Allen) emphasized the value of using our emotions to build deeper connections with God and others. I have noticed a huge change in how I deal with my emotions when I talk about them with God.

Sometimes I still find myself responding in unhealthy ways. I have recently noticed that I tend to seek control rather than surrendering control to God. Anger and anxiety show when I am controlling rather than when I am surrendering. These emotions are tools to show when I am not responding in the way I should be. Rather than ignoring these emotions or trying to push them away, I need to take them to God and find out how He wants me to respond to them.

When I feel like my life is pointless, I can take that lack of purpose for God and ask Him to show me how to deal with it. He brings to mind Psalm 139:16: “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” He has a reason for every day—even the days when I’m at home resting.

He also brings to mind, “Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalm 46:10. God wants me to use my times of rest to dwell on Him. God brings truth to my mind if I listen to Him.

3. Find people to talk to.

God has blessed me with lots of friends who speak truth to me. If you don’t have friends like this, pray for them, and ask God how you can be that type of friend to someone else. I am thankful for friends who help me see truth when I don’t see it for myself. Sometimes journaling can also help because that gives me the chance to give myself advice that I would give to someone else in my situation.


Where am I finding meaning and purpose in my life? Am I finding meaning and purpose in the things that I’m doing for God or in God? Doing things for God won’t satisfy me. Only God can fill me up and satisfy all of my desires and be all that I need. My writing, resting, being single, serving God—all of these things are wonderful if I’m doing them for the right reason and not making them the end and the object.

I would like to sell lots of books, but if I’m making that my hope, it’s never going to satisfy me. I’d like to get married, but if that’s where I’m looking for fulfilment, I will never be fulfilled. I enjoy resting, but if I use my rest to pursue my own selfish ends, I’m not going to be very rested. I enjoy serving God, but if my goal is service rather than God, then I am going to burn out.

Rather than listening to lies, I want to fill up my heart and life with more of God and His truth.

What do you do when you are tempted to listen to lies? I’d love to hear more of your thoughts in the comments or in an email?