First of all, I’m not interested in debating whether or not Christians should celebrate Halloween. I think we all need to make our own decisions before God and honestly pray about what we are celebrating and how we are celebrating (just like we live every area of our lives). But after a talk about the subject with a few friends several weeks ago, I decided to invite some friends over for a little Halloween party, and I wanted to share with you what we did and some of my reflections on the party.
Growing up, my family didn’t really celebrate Halloween. Sometimes, we would join Fall Festivals or Fall parties, and we would usually give out candy if we were home when kids came for Trick-or-Treating, but I don’t think I ever did that myself.
But since coming to China, I enjoy having parties with people at times to build more relationships with people and to encourage deeper conversations. Recently, I’ve also been thinking about how Halloween is in the fall, at the end of the year, getting ready for winter. Although my area of Southern China is still very green, I can feel a change in the seasons as there is finally some cooler weather. I can also notice a change in my mood as we head into winter (what little there is of winter).
Evening comes earlier, and although I love playing soccer, we have to quit at around 6 in the fall. But somehow, I don’t mind so much. I’m thankful for the extra time to rest and go home and be quiet and read for a little while. It’s a good time of year to be quiet.
So how does that relate to Halloween?
Secular culture in America and many other countries celebrates darkness and death at Halloween. Other people have written great articles about the origins of Halloween, so I won’t get into that here, but basically, Halloween has roots in celebrating ghosts and spirits walking the earth (pagan) and remembering people who have passed away (Christianity). Is there any value in using this holiday that has some pretty dark roots to talk about good things? I think there is.
I decided to have a party with just a few of my friends. I encouraged them to dress up (and I also prepared some fun little costumes in case someone didn’t have time to find something). But I didn’t need any of my spare costumes! All of my friends dressed up! I was pretty excited about that.
We had dinner together and chatted, and then we played a few games. Both of my games were about drawing because they were fun and super easy to prepare. One of my goals for the party was to relax and have fun.
So for the first game, we worked in pairs. One person had to blindfold themselves and the other person looked at a picture of a pumpkin and then had to describe it to their partner while their blindfolded partner drew it. We laughed a lot and drew some pretty weird pumpkins (that were better than I expected!) and might have learned a bit about communication strategies, hahaha.
Next, we did the write-draw-write game that is one of my favorites for anytime of the year. But we gave it a Halloween theme. I am a terrible artist, but I enjoy games like this that don’t require you to be great—in fact they can be even more fun for people who are not great at drawing (or at least faster).
But I wanted to spend the most time at our party on our discussion time. When I invited my friends to the party, I asked everyone to think of a discussion question. The example that I gave was my roommate’s suggestion: Do you have a will? Do you want to make a will, or do you think you should make a will?
Before we started the discussion, I gave a little introduction: basically, I wanted to use this time where many cultures are celebrating death and the season is lending itself more towards death and decay to talk about some things that are sometimes hard to talk about, namely, death.
We started with Kendra’s question about wills. All of us are in our late 20s or 30s, and none of us have ever made a will. Most of us hadn’t even thought about making a will before—me included. I mean, I don’t have much, and what I do have will probably need to be used in any funeral preparations (I know it’s a dark topic, but we are all going to die—unless Jesus comes back first—and not talking about it isn’t going to make it not happen. Not talking about it just means that when it does happen, we may not know what the person may have wanted and how we can honor their wishes.)
Anyway, Shirley made a really good point as we talked about wills.
“I haven’t really thought about making a will, but now that you mention it, I do want to make a will.”
“Why is that?” We asked.
“Well, if I die, I really want a Christian funeral as opposed to one with a bunch of paid mourners who are crying one minute and getting drunk the next,” Shirley said.
“Oh, that’s a good point,” we all nodded in agreement.
“Yeah,” Shirley continued. “Especially since my parents aren’t Christians, I want my funeral to be a celebration of my life that also honors God and encourages people to think about what they believe.”
“Oh wow, that’s such a good point,” I said. “I hadn’t even thought about the funeral being a part of a will, but that’s a good suggestion.
Next, we talked about one of my questions: “Have you ever lost someone close to you, and how did you deal with that grief?”
I shared a bit about how one of my roommates from college (we roomed together for a year) passed away during the rock and mud slides in North Carolina last year. She was lost for several days, and I remember checking for updates almost compulsively, praying so much for her to be found and to be safe. But as the days passed and she still wasn’t found, I realized that when she was found, she probably wouldn’t be in very good shape. When I got the news that she had passed away, I remember feeling very sad but also thankful that her friends and family could have closure from that.
Julie was an artist, and I still have a painting that she had done for me of Colorado. She asked me about one of my favorite places and tried to send it to me during Covid because she knew that I was having a hard time. It didn’t make it to me, but when I finally returned to America after Covid, she did manage to send it to me, and I was so thankful for her and her encouragement. We didn’t meet after college, but we stayed in touch through Instagram, and I loved seeing her artistic posts. Sometimes it still feels strange to know that she’s gone.
Matias also shared a bit about a friend of his that he knew when he was a kid who was sick and then passed away. He pointed out that as Christians facing death, we have a much more hopeful perspective about it. We don’t grieve as those who have no hope. I appreciate that reminder because losing the people close to me is something that I sometimes worry about. How will I deal with that grief? I can deal with that grief knowing that my God is with me and will be with me, grieving with me.
Matias also mentioned a verse from Psalm 90:12 for his discussion question. The verse says, “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” How can we number our days and what does that look like in our lives?
We talked about how we can remember that we won’t live forever, and that’s actually a blessing. Then we talked about what it means to get a heart of wisdom. I thought of the verse in Proverbs 9:10 that says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” Maybe having a deeper fear of the Lord (recognizing His greatness and power and glory and what that means for our lives) is the best way to number our days.
I enjoyed our party and our deep discussions so much, but the discussions didn’t stop that night. Over the weekend, as I caught up with family and other friends, the discussions continued. In fact, I was able to talk to my parents about some things that I have wanted to talk to them for about 5 years (ever since I read the book Being Mortal), but how do you bring up death and funerals with people that you love? There’s not really a good way to start that conversation.
But when my mom asked me about my week, I told her about my party, and I mentioned some of our discussion topics, and I was able to talk about some difficult things. Perhaps Halloween can be a time that lends itself a bit more naturally to those kinds of difficult but really important conversations. I would much rather have it now before it’s too late because we don’t know when our time will come.
Hope these thoughts are helpful for you as you think about Halloween and what to do on this holiday as a Christian. I’m not saying this is what you should do or what you have to do, but I enjoyed it, and I’d love to hear any other thoughts that you have!