Inspiration Words: Delete and Cold shoulder
Ye Chenrui (yeh chun ray) slurped the noodles in a corner of the cafeteria, a TV show he had been interested in playing on his phone. The lead actor and actress were in the middle of a fight, but Chenrui knew they would end up together in the end. TV shows are like that: fight, fight, fight, until they finally stop fighting and end up happily together. How come real-life friendships aren’t like that? He asked himself. How come I don’t know the end of this story? I’m not even asking for a girlfriend; I just want a friend who doesn’t ignore me when I want to hang out.
Chenrui wiped his forehead with a sleeve of his white shirt. Sweat speckled the rest of his shirt. This was his favorite one because it had the English word, delete, with a line through the word, emphasizing the meaning. He liked it because it made sense, unlike the English words and phrases many of his friends wore on their shirts.
As he looked at the sweat spots, he wondered if maybe he should have taken the noodles back to his dorm instead of trying to eat in the oven known as the cafeteria. Thankfully, the building was at least covered, but there was no air conditioning. The only relief came from the huge windows that were always open, but today, there was no wind. It was May, well into the summer weather, even though he still had two months left of classes. The cold noodles did little to ease the discomfort of the heat, and Chenrui tried to eat faster.
When he heard voices of people walking past him, Chenrui glanced up and saw his best friend talking and laughing with a group of his classmates. Chenrui immediately looked back at his TV show and wished he hadn’t looked up. His friend had ignored him, but Chenrui knew he had noticed him. How could he not? His best friend had ignored his message so he could eat with those people for lunch. Betrayal crushed his heart while the heat pressed down on him, and he wondered if he would suffocate inside this airless building.
Back in his dorm room, Chenrui tried to take a nap, but he couldn’t sleep. He kept waiting for the door to open, and his friend to walk in. What will I say to him? Should I confront him, or just pretend I didn’t see him? Should I ask him what he did for lunch and why he didn’t answer my message, or should I just pretend nothing happened? Anger still burned inside him, and Chenrui knew if his friend came back now, he would probably just shout at him. Where is he anyway? We don’t have class this afternoon; why isn’t he back in the room? I doubt he’s in the library. Even when we were close friends, I couldn’t drag him there.
He finally gave up on the attempt at sleep and climbed down the side of the bed to the desk underneath the bed. He sat on the hard-backed chair and pulled one of his English books off the shelf. He opened up a file of his listening homework on his computer and began listening to the passage about whales. When the passage ended and he looked down at the questions, he realized he hadn’t heard anything and would need to listen again. Come on, Chenrui. Just let it go and focus on this listening exercise.
After an hour of nearly worthless studying, the door opened and Ze Kai (zuh kie) walked in. Chenrui looked up at him and hoped that Ze Kai could see the anger in his eyes, but Ze Kai didn’t even look at him as he grabbed a book, shoved it in his bag, and headed back outside. Neither boy spoke a word, and Chenrui’s anger increased. He stood to chase Ze Kai down and confront him, but the thought of facing him in the hallway in front of countless watching eyes pushed him back into his seat. This didn’t need to be more public than it already was. He would just return coldness with more coldness.
In class, Chenrui started sitting by himself, and he refused to work with his classmates when teachers asked them to work with partners or in small groups. As he sat looking at the books in class, he found he was able to focus less and less on the assignments. When he didn’t participate, his teachers started avoiding him and stopped calling on him as much. When he saw Ze Kai working happily in a circle of talking classmates, Chenrui tried to focus on the words in front of him, but they blurred as anger consumed his thoughts.
One day after his marketing class, Chenrui packed up his books slowly. He usually took his time so he wouldn’t have to walk out with his other classmates, but this time, his teacher came up to him.
“I’ve noticed that you don’t seem very focused lately, Chenrui.”
“Mmm.” Chenrui didn’t want to be rude, but he didn’t know how to respond. He definitely didn’t want to share his pain with his teacher.
“It’s important to remember that you can’t let outside things influence your studies. Your grades are very important, and your participation in class has been suffering lately.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You have potential to do some great things, and I’d hate to see that potential wasted. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
The teacher walked back to the front of the classroom, and Chenrui made a break for the door. “Ok,” he mumbled as he left.
On his way to dinner, Chenrui thought about his teacher’s words. Maybe this was affecting him too much. He and Ze Kai had been close for a semester and a half, but maybe it was time to move on. But how do I stop being angry at him? He’s such a jerk! Chenrui walked on for several more minutes, reminding himself of all of the horrible things Ze Kai had done and all of the times his friend had ignored him. They didn’t even talk in their dorm room anymore.
Maybe I could talk to him. The thought came, and Chenrui immediately wanted to banish the idea. Never. Not until he apologizes to me. But . . . Chenrui thought about his teacher’s words. Is this really worth hurting my grades? Maybe not.
That night, Chenrui sat at his desk, once again waiting for Ze Kai to come in, but this time, he was planning out how to talk to him. First, ask him why he started ignoring me—especially that day he ignored my message so he could eat with those other people.
The door opened and Ze Kai came in. Chenrui took a deep breath and turned to him. “Why have you been ignoring me?”
Ze Kai had been turning toward his own desk, but at Chenrui’s voice, he stopped abruptly and turned to him. “I’ve been ignoring you?” The surprise and anger in Ze Kai’s voice startled Chenrui, but he refused to back down.
“Yeah,” he stood to face his roommate. “When I asked you to go to lunch, you never answered, and then you went with our other classmates.”
“You never asked me to lunch! You’ve been ignoring me for weeks now!”
Chenrui nearly stopped in surprise, but the anger he’d been holding inside for so long convinced him Ze Kai was playing innocent and lying to him. He whipped out his phone and found the message, the last one he had sent to Ze Kai. “See!” He challenged.
Ze Kai took a step closer to look at the message before pulling out his own phone. “I never received it. Look at my phone. It’s not here.” Ze Kai found the chat and held his phone out toward his roommate.
Chenrui glanced at the phone. Ze Kai was right. The message wasn’t there. “Then why did you ignore me when you came back to our room?”
“Every time I come in here, you’re studying and don’t seem to want to be bothered. Why are you acting like a moody girl? Give me a break.”
A moody girl? What a stupid thing to say! Chenrui searched for an appropriate response, but what was he supposed to say? Ze Kai was treating him like a child. “I can’t believe you’re treating me like this!” He finally said, stomping toward the bathroom.
“Treating you like what?” Ze Kai asked, following him, and stopping him outside the bathroom door. “It was just a misunderstanding.”
“It was a misunderstanding because you didn’t care enough about us to make it right.”
Ze Kai rolled his eyes. “Come on, man.” He punched Chenrui’s shoulder just like he had the time Chenrui got second place in the speech competition. “Let’s just forget about it. It’s over, ok?”
For a moment, Chenrui thought about holding on to the anger. He didn’t want to just let it go. Ze Kai was wrong. He had let this continue for weeks. He hadn’t done anything to make it right. He was wrong.
Or maybe it was just a misunderstanding.
Chenrui turned away from his friend. He clenched his hands into fists. Then he unclenched them. He looked back at Ze Kai who still stood next to him. We used to be best friends. Is it worth it to give that up because of a stupid text message that wasn’t received?
Chenrui let out a long breath. “Ok, yeah. Just forget about it.”
When they sat down to play a game on their phones together, Chenrui thought about the happy ending on his TV show. Maybe life had some happy endings too—they just didn’t come within 30 minutes of the problem, and maybe happy endings required a little more work to actually happen in real life.