If you know me, you probably know that I hate goodbyes. But I love to see old friends, and this week, I had one of those wonderful opportunities. A friend from Nepal has been living in the UK, and he stopped by my city for a few hours on his way back home. Even though we didn’t have much time to catch up, I loved talking to him about everything that has been happening in his life lately. Catching up with old friends is just so special.
One of my favorite Chinese songs is called 朋(péng)友(you) by 周(zhōu)华(huá)健(jiàn). I think I love it because every time I hear it and/or see the music video, I feel nostalgic, and I think that’s exactly how you’re supposed to feel with this song.
When I first came to China, I was involved in summer English workshops for several years. I helped to design the curriculum, teach the classes, and organize the activities in an intense month-long workshop. I helped to teach the other foreign teachers how to teach since most of them didn’t have much teaching experience, and then we spent the month building relationships with the students so that they could develop their English skills.
Those months are some of my favorite times in China. During those months, I made life-long friends (I still stay in touch with many of the students from those workshops and consider them some of my closest friends).
One thing that the other leaders encouraged the foreign teachers to do during that month was to learn a Chinese song, and 朋(péng)友(you) was one of the most common songs to learn, so we all heard it quite a lot over the years. It is also a popular KTV (karaoke) song, and even though I strongly dislike KTV, I still like this song.
This song is all about friends, so it’s fitting that it’s associated with times of deep and lasting friendship. In the music video, you can see a group of guys playing a rugby game (ironic since I can’t recall seeing anyone playing rugby in China) and these guys are having a great time. They push through together whether they’re getting hit, whether it’s raining and miserable weather, whether they’re winning or losing, whatever they do, they push through together. I love that picture of friendship.
But what do the words mean? Let’s look at them.
这(zhè)些(xiē)年(nián) 一(yí)个(gè)人(rén)
These years, one person
风(fēng)也(yě)过(guò) 雨(yǔ)也(yě)走(zǒu)
Has been through wind and rain
有(yǒu)过(guò)泪(lèi) 有(yǒu)过(guò)错(cuò)
Has cried, has made mistakes
还(hái)记(jì)得(de)坚(jiān)持(chí)什(shén)么(me)
Remember what you are fighting for
真(zhēn)爱(ài)过(guò) 才(cái)会(huì)懂(dǒng)
Through true love, you understand
会(huì)寂(jì)寞(mò) 会(huì)回(huí)首(shǒu)
I will be lonely, and look back
终(zhōng)有(yǒu)梦(mèng) 终(zhōng)有(yǒu)你(nǐ) 在(zài)心(xīn)中(zhōng)
Finally, in my dreams, I just have you in my heart
朋(péng)友(you)一(yì)生(shēng)一(yì)起(qǐ)走(zǒu)
Friends stick together forever
那(nà)些(xiē)日(rì)子(zǐ) 不(bú)再(zài)有(yǒu)
Those days are no more
一(yí)句(jù)话(huà) 一(yí)辈(bèi)子(zi)
A sentence lasts a lifetime
一(yì)生(shēng)情(qíng) 一(yì)杯(bēi)酒(jiǔ)
One love, one drink
朋(péng)友(you)不(bù)曾(céng)孤(gū)单(dān)过(guò)
If you haven’t been alone
一(yì)声(shēng)朋(péng)友(you)你(nǐ)会(huì)懂(dǒng)
Then you don’t understand the meaning of friends
还(hái)有(yǒu)伤(shāng) 还(hái)有(yǒu)痛(tòng)
The pain, the hurt
还(hái)要(yào)走(zǒu) 还(hái)有(yǒu)我(wǒ)
The leaving, and through everything, I’m still here.
I translated this myself, but I checked it against this article (https://www.echinesesong.com/peng-you-%E6%9C%8B%E5%8F%8B-friend-lyrics-%E6%AD%8C%E8%A9%9E-with-pinyin-by-zhou-hua-jian-%E5%91%A8%E5%8D%8E%E5%81%A5-emil-wakin-chau/) written by Jack Smith. I adjusted a few things, but all errors are my own.
As I was translating this, I realized that even after more than 10 years of hearing this song, there are still things that I didn’t understand. I always have more to learn!
What does this song mean to me now? I feel that this song is painting an idealized picture of friendship, but I don’t really mind as long as I remember that no friend is perfect. As a Christian, I know that the only friend I can completely rely on is Jesus, and He is my perfect friend, but I have lots of other wonderful friends.
I can identify with this song. My closest friends and I have been through a lot of tough times together. In fact, I think that going through tough times is kind of a pre-requisite to becoming close friends. Going through challenges deepens friendship in a way that nothing else can do quite so well. And I like that this song recognizes that. A friend of mine likes to mention a Russian proverb that says that friendship is like carrying a bag of salt together. The bag of salt represents the hard times, and friends that endure those hard times have persevered in carrying that heavy bag of salt.
When we go through wind and rain with our friends, our relationships deepen and grow stronger. When we cry together, and share our hurts and hopes and disappointments and fears (and sometimes these are all the same things), then our relationships grow. Throughout my life, I am extremely thankful for many friends that have walked these difficult roads with me.
I remember multiple times throughout my life that I begged God for a close friend here on earth. And while many of my prayers don’t receive an answer I really like, God has always answered my prayers for close friends with a yes. Whether I was struggling through my teenage years or struggling with life in a new country, God has always provided a friend (or more!) for me to encourage and to receive encouragement from.
But the hard thing about these friendships is that some of these friends no longer live near me. And the price to pay for loving deeply and having deep friendships is having to make painful goodbyes. And even though I hate these goodbyes, I wouldn’t trade those beautiful times of friendship. As C. S. Lewis says: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” (The Four Loves) And so I keep choosing to love.
One of my good friends is much better at accepting and rolling with change as it comes. I’ve talked with him about how he deals with these difficult changes, and one of the things that he has suggested is to enjoy the times that we have with people now, but to also keep in mind that no relationships last forever. We can’t control when friends come or go from our lives, but we can enjoy times with them and then grieve when the relationship changes (whatever that change is).
One of the side benefits of friends moving to another country is that I have more reasons to visit more places. I love traveling, and I love being able to spend time with friends in a place that is important to them.
I’m beyond thankful for all of my friends both in the past and at this present moment. I’m thankful that so many of my friends are willing to fight for strong and deep relationships. Relationships are messy and beautiful, and I’m thankful for friends who will fight for us through the messiness so we can enjoy the beauty.
