As a teacher, I spend a lot of time and energy thinking about how to motivate my students to study well and work hard and learn the material that I have prepared for them. But for the last few months, I’ve had a hard time with that because I didn’t feel motivated myself.
I thought about writing this post last week, but I didn’t feel motivated to do that. The irony is not lost on me.
My lack of motivation started last semester when I found out the class I usually teach in the fall and have spent a lot of time researching and perfecting over the last two years was canceled. I still don’t know why. And my department gave me two new classes to teach instead. I love learning, and both of the classes are right in my field of interest, so why was I so unmotivated to prepare for them?
Over the summer, as soon as I finished grading, I started reading the new textbooks, and studying the materials. The textbook was interesting, and I had some students that I’ve been teaching for a while now tell me that they were planning on taking my course.
“We love your classes, and we really hope that we can take your course next semester,” a student said.
“Wow! That’s great!” I was genuinely excited to hear that this student would be in my class. But under my breath, I added, “I better figure out what I’m doing in this course.”
At home, friends and family asked about my class, and I was able to talk about my new classes with some degree of enthusiasm. English drama and cultural competence are both things that I love and care about quite a bit. But when a lady I know was chatting about my return to China, she said, “I bet you’re so excited and ready to get back.”
I thought about the mounds of lesson planning I still needed to do. I had some ideas for the classes, but everything still felt up in the air. I tried to give a positive answer, but in my heart, I didn’t feel ready to come back.
What do you do when the things that you love and are passionate about cease to motivate you?
That’s what I was struggling with. I knew I should be excited about these classes. I knew I should be excited about my life and all of my blessings and doing things that I’m passionate about.
But sometimes we don’t feel passion for the things that we are passionate about.
Sometimes life feels like a dark tunnel with no light at the end.
That sounds dramatic, but sometimes, that’s how life feels. What do we do in those times?
I returned to China, said no to my friends’ invitations so I could stay home and try to get these classes in some kind of order. I got more discouraging news from family situations back home and other struggles in my life. The tunnel felt darker.
My prayers had lots of questions. “Why, God?”
And God didn’t answer most of my questions, but He did give me Himself. In all of the darkest times, my soul clung to the One who was in control of a life that had long ago spun out of my control. “My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” (Psalm 63:8)
Trusting God when nothing makes sense is hard. But I started writing verses on the walls in my bathroom, constant reminders of truth. “I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.” (Psalm 40:1). A friend gave me the book, Waiting Isn’t a Waste by Mark Vroegop. He reminded me that waiting is a time to direct my gaze to God. Waiting for darkness to pass is a difficult.
Psalm 16:5 came next on my bathroom wall: “The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.” I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m choosing. I can’t choose a lot of things. I can’t choose which classes I teach, and I can’t choose how my friends interact with me. But I can choose to love the God who gave Himself for me. And He holds all of me. Sometimes I feel like I have a lot of mess, but He holds all of that too–He holds my lot.
I had my first week of classes, and the students were mostly wonderful, but I still felt like I had no idea what I was doing. I usually ask the students why they choose the classes (for electives), and I hope that they put something about their passionate interest in the subject matter. When they write something like, “We always enjoy your classes,” I feel a lot more pressure, especially in a class where I still don’t really feel like I know what I’m doing.
And then I found out that my busiest day of classes with both of these new classes was going to happen on a Sunday after a long week with a business trip to another city. Then two days later, I would have the same classes again. If you have ever lived in China, you understand the struggle of make-up days from the holiday. I haven’t met anyone who enjoys these make-up days. A lot of people would rather have shorter holidays with no make-up days, but that is also out of our control.
During these days and weeks, I didn’t feel like doing any of the things that I needed to do. I didn’t feel like planning lessons. I didn’t feel like going to class. But I did them. I think that’s one of the important ways to motivate ourselves. Sometimes, we have to do the things that we need to do even when the feelings are not there.
Kendra’s dad has an illustration about this that I love. He says that we are like a train. The feelings are the caboose, and sometimes, if our train is stuck on the wrong track, then our feelings are just going to keep feeling all that negativity. To change the feelings, we can’t put our caboose on a different track, first we have to make the engine turn. The feelings aren’t going to notice a change for a while. But as we keep making the right choices and doing the right things, eventually, our feelings will get there too.
Rather than focusing on all of the things that were wrong in my life, I started focusing on the small things that I was really thankful for. I was thankful for Kendra and our dinner and movie nights. I had some really good salmon at a Japanese restaurant. The sun was shining on laundry day so my clothes were dry by the afternoon. Finding these things I was thankful for helped so much.
I also started painting. I have never been an artist. I got a B in art class in middle school, and that was enough for my perfectionist attitude to give up on art. But Kendra bought a watercolor set for only about $5 online, and as I watch her paint, I realized that perhaps I could try. I love sunsets, especially the colors. I thought about it for several months before finally buying a set of my own.
I watched a couple of YouTube videos about painting sunsets with watercolors, and then I opened the notebook and the color palette and filled the pen with water. I had almost no idea what I was doing, but I put some color on that paper and watched the sunset come into focus. As I painted different sunsets over the last week or so, I experimented with different colors and different styles. I painted wispy clouds and fluffy clouds and clouds that look like a headless sheep. I painted some sunsets where the sun had already gone.
As I painted, usually when I was stressed and my brain was overwhelmed with thoughts, I found myself relaxing. When I was painting, my mind was consumed with the colors and the strokes and what was happening on that page. I wasn’t thinking about my classes or any of the other things happening in my life, and that was really nice.
I am still not a great artist, and I will probably never be one, but I like some of my paintings quite a lot. And I especially love the chance to try something new. I’m thankful for something that can calm my mind as I focus on the beauty of the world that God has created.
This week, I’ve made a bit more progress on my classes. They feel more like they’re starting to take shape, and I’m focusing on one day at a time. Tomorrow is going to be crazy, and I need to prepare for it as much as I can, but tomorrow’s troubles will take care of themselves. At least that’s what Jesus said, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” (Matthew 6:34). Amen to that!
To be honest, I’m not really sure about the best ways to motivate ourselves. These are some of the things that I focus on, and while God is with all of us, and He loves all of us, He has also created all of us to be different. What helps me may not help you. If you have any other suggestions of things you do to help motivate yourself when you feel completely unmotivated, I’d love to hear them!
Last, if you find this post encouraging, please share it with someone you know who’s having a hard time with motivation. Perhaps, as we struggle together, we can find hope together.